


Goodbye

by Corrie71



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: After Narada, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Before Five Year Mission, Fluffy Ending, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love, after STiD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 06:12:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corrie71/pseuds/Corrie71
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jim gets the crew roster for his five year mission, one name isn't on it…</p>
<p>Last one for the Tumblr "new years mckirk angst off 2014"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Jim got the crew roster for their five year mission, he didn’t even glance at the listing for the bridge crew. It hadn’t changed so it was unimportant amid the million details he had to manage before they sailed. So, when Uhura commented that Doctor Porter had settled in to sickbay, he didn’t pick up on it. Bones could handle it. He didn’t even know Bones was missing until he wandered into medbay to look for him and Porter told him he was gone. 

He took the next shuttle back to earth and stomped halfway across San Francisco. At Bones’ temporary quarters, he slammed his hand into the apartment door. No answer. He kept rattling it and pounding on it until the next-door neighbor flung open her door. 

“He checked out today, asshole.” Jim swung around and the girl’s eyes widened. “Sorry, Captain Kirk.”

“Where’s Doctor McCoy?” Jim demanded.

“His shuttle to star base seven leaves at noon. Said he had a few errands to do before then.”

Jim rushed to the shuttle bay departure and caught sight of Bones nursing a coffee in the corner, his eyes resolutely on his PADD rather than the bustling shuttle activity outside the large windows. He dashed across the waiting area, not sure if he would punch him or shake him.

“Leaving without saying goodbye?” Jim said, his arms crossed in front of his hollow, aching chest. 

Bones started and then closed his eyes, without looking up. “Should have known you’d track me down. Never saw a kid with persistence quite like you.” 

“Don’t call me kid. I’m only six years younger and your commanding officer.” 

“Not anymore, Captain Kirk.” Bones glanced up at him and saluted, but somehow managed to make it insubordinate.

“I have yet to relieve you of command.” Jim began, trying to ignore the rising whine of panic. He could not go into the black without Bones. 

“You don’t need to relieve me of command. I handed over sickbay to Porter and checked out with Spock.”

“So you did this deliberately behind my back. Why?”

“Don’t like space. Maybe I don’t want to fly around on your little warbird mission. Maybe I like my space to stay nice and still. Told you that the first day I met you.” McCoy shifted in his seat and glanced around at the still empty shuttle area.

“Bones, please.” Jim pleaded. “Talk to me.”

“Nothing to say, kid.” Jim flung himself into the seat next to him, reminded of the day they’d both been on the shuttle out of Riverside. 

“Come with me. I can’t do this without my Bones.” Jim whispered. And Bones shuddered and rubbed his face with both palms. When he removed his hands, Jim could see the gleam of tears in his eyes.

“Can’t do it, Jimmy boy.” Bones whispered, anguish in his voice.

“Is this about Pamela? Your family? What? Tell me, Bones.”

“Ok. You want to know why I really can’t fly with you?”

“Yes.”

“You say yes because you think if you know you can talk me out of it, don’t you?” Jim nodded his eyes never leaving Bones’ face. “Well, you won’t want to after you hear this.”

Bones drew a shuddery, shakey breath and locked eyes with Jim. “When I had to see you dead on my table…that was my worst nightmare, come to life. And, I cannot face it again. I cannot do it.”

“Bones, that was a one-time…”

“One time thing, huh? You are still the captain of that ship. You are Jim Kirk, the moron with the hero complex wider than the rings of Saturn. And you love your crew, Jim. And I know you. You’d sacrifice yourself over and over for them. And chances are that you probably will. So, instead of living in constant fear that I’m going to open another body bag to see your face, still and quiet, staring at me…I’m going to starbase seven.”

“So the most brilliant CMO Starfleet has, the best surgeon in the fleet, is going to go waste his time on flu jabs and the common cold instead of exploring space with me? You’ll be bored within days!” Bones shrugged, shredding his coffee cup with his long surgeon’s fingers and refusing to look at Jim. 

“Won’t you worry about me?” Jim heard the pleading note in his voice. He’d beg if he had to. He’d get on his knees and throw his arms around Bones legs, like a toddler throwing a tantrum if he had to. 

“This way, I’ll hear of your death on the star news some day. And I pray it will be long enough from now that I’ll remember you fondly. And I won’t have to wonder what else I could have done to save you.”

“Bones…” 

“The thing is, Jim, the thing you don’t get is this.” Bones talked right over him. “I love you.”

Jim gaped at him, stunned into silence. Bones continued, “I’ve been in love with you for years and you never knew it because I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to face the rejection. To risk another failed relationship.”

“But Bones…”

“Because I know you can’t be faithful. I know that. And I figured that having you as my captain and my friend would be getting the best two out of three. And I could live with that. I really could. And then… And then…” Bones shuddered, gasping now, clearly fighting to get the words out. “I don’t think you can understand how awful it was for me when I saw you in that bag.”

“But, Bones, you saved me. You did it. If you hadn’t been there…” 

Bones looked up at him, tears streaking his reddened face. “But what about the day that I can’t save you?”

“Bones, I don’t believe in no-win situations.” Bones scrubbed at the tear tracks from his face and shook his head. 

“But I do, kid. I’ve lived in my own personal Maru since the day I met you.” Jim stared at him, non-plussed. His tactical genius seemed to have deserted him along with his charm and wit. He’d had no idea about Bones’ feelings for him. None. And now he had no idea what to say. “You’re going to the black. You got your mission. Good luck, kid.”

Bones stood and swung his duffle onto his shoulder. Without another word, he turned and boarded the shuttle that would take him away from Jim, ignoring Jim as he shouted his name until the doors slammed shut.


	2. Chapter 2

_On Starbase Seven, several weeks later…_

As the newbie doctor on Starbase Seven, Bones drew the gamma shift for his first month. As the head doctor, Wayne Robertson wouldn’t know the correct end of a hypospray if it bit him and couldn’t diagnose the common cold if it danced the hula in front of him, perhaps it was for the best that Bones got the opposite shift. He greeted the nurses and headed through the deserted medbay for his tiny, cramped office in the back.

“McCoy. You got a patient.” One of the nurses called to him and walked over to hand him a PADD. “New guy. Wanted to wait for you.”

Bones strode around the privacy screen and stopped dead, gaping at the biobed. James Kirk lay curled on his side, his head pillowed on his hands, fast asleep. He walked closer, sure that his eyes were deceiving him, sure that he was imagining what he so desperately wanted. Jim opened his eyes and Bones thought he’d drown in those crystal blue depths. For a second, Jim stretched and grinned at him, just like all the times he’d woken in their dorm at the Academy. Then, he scowled and sat up.

“What are you doing here? The Enterprise launches in less than a month.”

Jim shrugged and yawned, lazily scratching his ribs. “I guess. I won’t be there.”

“You won’t be there? You’re the captain, Jimmy.”

“Not anymore. I am the new Chief of Engineering at Starbase Seven.”

Bones dropped the PADD he hadn’t even remembered he was holding. He bent and grabbed it, still reeling with seeing Jim and his revelation. “Engineering?” 

“I was pretty good at it at the Academy. I think I can hold my own.”

“Jim, you’re the youngest Captain in the fleet. You have your ship. What you always wanted.”

“First of all, I’m not Captain, not anymore. I’m a Lieutenant again. You outrank me, Doctor McCoy. Secondly, no, I don’t have a ship. That’s Spock’s ship now. And thirdly, no, I have never had what I always wanted.” At this, Jim locked eyes on Bones’ face. 

“You can’t throw away your potential like that. You’re…Oh, I get it. You’re putting me on. Some sort of joke. This would have been all over the newsvids.” Bones felt his heart slamming against his ribcage and his blood whooshing past his ears. Jim could not do this. 

“I’ve asked them to keep it quiet for now. Let the Enterprise sail before the news breaks. And you’re one to talk about throwing away potential.”

“Oh I see. This is some trick of yours to get back at me. You figure you’ll talk me into sailing with you…”

“My, my, what an ego you have, Doctor McCoy. Once I resigned my captaincy, there weren’t that many other job postings available that met my skills. They sent me here. It seems this backwater Starbase doesn’t see much action. So, am I cleared for duty, or what?”

Bones wanted to throw the PADD at him but he managed not to. He performed a cursory exam, being careful not to touch Jim. Without another word, Bones signed off on the duty order and dumped the PADD on the biobed. Jim grabbed his duffle and stomped out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was written as a one-shot but I kept imagining Jim at Starbase Seven all day today. Usually, I complete a story before posting but I'm very much writing this one as I go along. If you have any ideas about where this could go, please help me out by sharing in the comments. Thanks so much!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to Redford for the idea!

The next morning, as Bones exited his quarters, he glanced up to see Jim exiting his room across the hall. Though the officer’s barracks were small at the Starbase, he wondered if the universe had it out for him by rooming Jim directly across from him. Jim shot him that sideways grin that always made Bones’ stomach flip and awareness frisson over his skin.

“First day. Do I look ok?” Jim asked him. Instead of command gold, he wore a crimson Engineering shirt. Bones missed his sunshine boy. 

“Yeah, you look good, Jimmy.” Bones swallowed around his dry throat and nodded.

“Can you show me where the mess is?

“Sure.” Bones shrugged and they fell into step together. After the sleepless night he’d had, tossing and turning, remembering the feelings he’d admitted to Jim at the shuttle bay, Bones was sleepy and grumpy. He’d called Spock this morning but received no answer. He knew Spock would be overwhelmingly busy preparing for the launch of the Enterprise but he hoped he’d comm back soon. Then he’d get some answers as to Jim’s mysterious presence here. 

They got their trays and sat together, as they did on countless mornings at the Academy and on their ship. They ate quickly, both needing to report for their shifts soon. Neither spoke much. Bones ached to realize how much he’d missed this. Missed all the little moments that added up to Jim and Bones—a unit, always together.

“You know what I really hate? I really hate it when someone else tells me what I can and can’t do.” Jim sipped his coffee, his tone musing.

“Your problem with authority isn’t exactly news, James.” 

“I meant you, Leonard. You just decided that I could never be faithful, that we could never have a romantic relationship at all, with no discussion with me, no consideration for my feelings. You never even gave me a chance, Bones.” 

“A chance to break my heart? No thanks, Jim.”

“So instead you just went ahead and broke mine.” Jim walked away from him then, leaving a gaping Bones behind him.

Bones sat in the mess, stewing with rage over Jim’s parting shot. He’d thought of four excellent come-back lines after Jim left, of course. He horded his anger like dragon’s treasure because, if he thought about the implications of Jim’s words, he felt like a giddy teenager—buoyant with hope one minute and then sick with dread that he’d messed everything up forever the next.

“McCoy.” His favorite nurse, Russell, appeared at his table. He glanced up to see the worry on his face and stood to follow him.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me on the way there.”

“You remember that new guy, from last night…”

“Jim?” Bones started running now, Russell huffing along beside him. 

“Yeah. Jim Kirk. He took a spill in Engineering, broke his arm.” Jim had left not fifteen minutes before. How could he have gotten himself into trouble that quickly? Damn fool kid. Bones flat out sprinted for the lift, Russell lagging behind him. “Anyway, Robertson was trying to set it and…”

“He didn’t give him larecetol, did he? It’s in his records. He’s allergic!” Bones dashed into the lift, yanking Russell on behind him and stabbed the button for medbay.

“I don’t know for sure what he gave him but…”

“Is he breathing?”

“He was trying to…”

Bones didn’t hear any more as he ran into medbay, shoving Robertson aside without so much as a hello.

“Doctor McCoy, that’s my patient.”

“He’s having an allergic reaction. I’m his personal physician.” Bones snapped. He ordered the nurse to administer Jim’s allergy medicine, noting his pallor and the blue tinge to his lips. He flashed to Jim lying so still on his table after Khan. “Not again. Not again, Jimmy, you hear me?”

Robertson grabbed his shoulders and spun Bones around. “Doctor McCoy, step away from that patient.”

“Fuck off, Robertson. He’s mine.” Bones shoved the older doctor away and turned back to see Jim’s eyes on him. His beautiful Jim. Jim smiled and patted Bones chest. Bones grabbed his hand, pressing it over his own heart. 

“Always been yours, Bones.” Jim croaked out, before the sedative pulled him under.


	4. Chapter 4

After Jim lost consciousness, Bones apologized to Robertson. “I am sorry, Wayne. I’ve treated him for years and he’s got that wonky immune system and…”

“No need. Everyone knows about you two.” Robertson patted his shoulder and waddled off out of the medbay, happy his shift was over. Robertson might not be a competent doctor, but he was kind and compassionate. Most other doctors—hell, Bones himself—would have filed insubordination charges after being treated like that by a subordinate. He didn’t fit in here, on this backwater Starbase. Somehow, he belonged out among the stars, with Jim.

Bones glanced down at Jim, sleeping peacefully under the effects of the allergy shots, the hives already fading from his pale skin. He knew from long, bitter experience that he’d be out for about six hours. As Bones had no other patients, he sat heavily next Jim’s biobed and tried to figure out how he got into this mess. Somewhere about the sixth hour, his personal comm pinged, rousing him out of his stupor.

“Spock.” He looked tired, even for a Vulcan. “Thanks for calling me back. And I guess congratulations are in order…”

The Vulcan blinked and then said, “To what are you referring? Why would you offer me congratulations?”

“For gaining the Captain’s chair?”

“Doctor McCoy, you seem confused. I am only temporarily serving as Acting Captain of the Enterprise while Jim is on shore leave.”

“Shore leave?”

“Yes, Jim wished to say farewell to his family. He’s in Iowa visiting with his stepfather, Frank.”

“He hates his stepfather. Jim would never go to Iowa voluntarily. Jim is here, with me.”

“On Starbase Seven?”

“Yes. He showed up here yesterday with some cock-and-bull story about taking over as Chief of Engineering and resigning his post and…” Bones glanced at Jim, who lay awake in the bed, his cerulean eyes watchful as he shamelessly eavesdropped. “Never mind, Spock. I think I finally figured this out. McCoy out.”

“Hi, Bones.” Jim rasped. 

“Chief of Engineering, huh?” Jim shrugged, wincing a bit. “Can’t believe I fell for that whopper. Want to tell me what you’re actually doing here?”

“That should be obvious. Getting my CMO back.”

“That’s all I am to you, your CMO?”

“Obviously, I need one.” Jim gestured at his arm, ruefully. “You know, when I first saw you on that shuttle, I thought you were one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever seen.”

“Jim, don’t lie. Again.” Bones scowled at him. 

“You got to make your little speech at the shuttle bay. I have things to say too. Then, I saw you cleaned up in your cadet reds. You remember—I made a pass at you in the mess hall?” 

Bones nodded and then shrugged, “What’s your point, Jimmy?”

“Even though you shot me down, over and over, we became friends.” Bones nodded cautiously. “I thought you were my best friend. Closer than a brother. I ignored how hot you were, the physical connection between us because every time I brought it up, you shut me down.”

“I didn’t want…”

“To be a notch in my bedpost. I know. I get it. But, just because I haven’t been in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can’t be. With the right person. When you helped me take the Maru for the third time…that’s when I realized it.”

“Realized what?”

“That you are the right person for me. That you are essential to me. That I love you. Absolutely.” Bones jaw sagged, as relief and hope coursed through him.

“But, you never…”

“You’d shut me down, over and over. I didn’t want to risk it. I figured getting to have you as my CMO and my friend would be the best two out of three.” Bones flinched when he heard the echo of the words he’d flung at Jim in the shuttle bay thrown back at him. Jim reached for his hand, pulling their clasped hands to his chest, laying them over his heartbeat.

“Come home with me, Bones.”

“Jim, you died on me…”

“And you saved me. Just like you did again today. Just like you have since the day we met.” Jim sat up in the biobed, the sheet pooling around his waist. He grabbed the back of Bones’ neck and pressed his mouth to his in a hard, bruising kiss. “You don’t get to walk away from me, Bones. You are mine.”

“Jimmy, you have to realize that the odds are against us. I’m a broken down…”

“You might have been that when we met. But, now, you’re just my Bones. Mine.” Jim punctuated his words with a deep kiss, cupping Bones’ face in his hands. “I will chase you across the stars. You will literally defy death to keep me with you. Bones, we belong together.”

Bones wrapped his arms around Jim, hardly daring to believe that all his dreams came true at once. Here, in the safety of Jim’s arms, this is where he belonged, for however long the universe gave them to be together. To think, he’d nearly thrown it all away out of fear. “Okay, Jimmy, take me home.”


End file.
